Smilla'sSimpleLife

The Rapture that Wasn't

2011-05-31T19:11:00.001-07:00

It's been more than a week, now, since the world was scheduled to end. No one is even talking about it anymore, when just two weeks ago it trended on twitter, and was in the status update line of nearly all my Facebook friends. I avoided talking about it, facebooking about it, blogging about it (I don't tweet ... though I do have an account). I avoided it for a couple of reasons.

First, I really didn't like all the teasing that folks were doing. Have you ever been afraid? Irrationally? Have you ever been convinced the world is going to end? That your friends would leave you? That your child would die? That your plane would crash? That you'll die in your sleep? That your husband/lover/partner/best friend will up and leave?

I suffer from anxiety and occasional panic attacks - so some of those fears and feelings are familiar to me. Irrational. Unwelcome. But familiar.

I don't think, though, that you have to suffer from panic to have the occasional feeling of being precariously close to the end of something. Brene Brown calls one version of it "foreboding joy."

So, those folks who believed that the end was coming on May 21st, they were simply, in my view, trying to control the anxiety that we're all a bit prone to -- the panic that comes with the certainty that it could all end in an instant. They were trying to control it by predicting it - by calculating down to the last second when it would happen. And, they were trying to ensure that they would somehow survive -- survive because they were "in" and others were "out" -- survive because their god would save them - yes after death, but save them nonetheless. I don't agree with their vision of god. But I understand and sympathize with their desire to control and define the end.

Because, and here is the second reason I couldn't join all the rapture talk, it really all could have ended on May 21st. One of the essential tenets of Buddhism, as I understand it, is that we humans are much too attached (for our own good) to ever-changing material reality. Our lives really could end in an instant. The gift of our days is an uncertain gift. The rapture folks have a germ of truth in their fears - they have the understanding that we're not in control of our days. Of course, they took the extreme of trying to calculate and control - but are they really the only ones of us who do this? What else is the datebook I carry? The computer schedule I update? The blog I am posting ... except for a manifestation of my interest in making a mark, setting it down, and being here -- now, and .... later?

So, I felt sympathy for the certain and scared Rapture believers, and sorry that their god was so unforgiving and exclusive and mean. But I also felt a kinship for the panic and anxiety - for the existential awareness of the transient nature of the reality of our physical world. Our challenge is to meet that transience as a gift and a joy - rather than a burden of worry.

Fish on Fridays

2011-05-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

Those of you who read this blog because you actually know me, know that A. and I were vegetarian for more than five years - including during my pregnancy with W. and the first three years of his life. As he weaned, though, W. decided to eat meat (he started with salmon and went down the slippery slope of pepperoni and bacon, before settling on elk as his favorite) - and we decided to join him. We did for lotsof reasons -- we didn't want him to feel guilty for eating meat, when the reasons we had become vegetarian were primarily ethical; we had been really sick, with lowered immunity, since moving to Iowa, and some folks suggested that adding meat to our diet would help; we missed pulled pork; and, it was difficult and expensive to be vegetarian in Iowa.

We've moderated our meat intake again, after a couple years of omnivorous eating, and nowadays we follow these general rules: meatless mondays and fish on fridays. The first is from Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution (hey! have you signed the petition?), the second a longstanding tradition from my Catholic-raised mom.

Tonight's meal tasted so good, and was frugally elegant, so I'm sharing it with you, here.

I soaked a pound of dried pinto beans overnight and through the day. About 4pm, put them in a big pot and covered them with water, boiled them hard for 10 minutes (I borrow this simple recipe from Deborah Madison's brilliant Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone, which is honestly almost the only cookbook you'd ever need), then reduce the heat to low and partially cover, simmering for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, I started some brown rice cooking (I used 2 cups Lundgren Farm's brown rice [this blog will NOT feature product placement, but this is the best rice I've ever used to cook with, I won't buy any other kind, and am thrilled that Costco sells 20 lb bags of it).

This, with good local whole wheat tortillas, some queso fresco, and a salsa (we had cilantro salsa tonight!) would make a great frugal meal (less than 1.00 per plate). BUT, since it was "fish on Friday" day, I splurged on 1/2 a pound of little scallops (cost me $4.50). After the beans had cooked for those 30 minutes, I added 1 1/2 tsp of salt, and cooked them another 10 - 15. While they cooked, I melted a tablespoon of butter in a small cast iron skillet, added a clove of garlic (pressed), and the scallops. Fried them quickly for 3 minutes, added a squirt of lemon, and turned them off.

We had brown rice-pinto bean-scallop burritos with locally grown orange heirloom tomatoes, and fresh strawberries. It was yummy :-)

I entered a contest ...

2011-05-19T19:28:00.001-07:00

For the record, I adore contests - especially door prize contests. I do not usually win - but I'll stay to the end of any party, just to see if my name is drawn. I do not like silent auctions, where you bid to "win" an item ... because it isn't winning, in my book, if you have to pay for it :-)

In any case, I entered a contest today - to attend, for free, a week-long women's writer's conference @Jen Louden's #Writer's Retreat. To enter, I had to write 250 words about why I wanted to attend. It was hard to read everyone else's entries - I skimmed through them - so many worthy essays, some that annoyed me, several that inspired. It was nice to read my honest reflections on why I wanted to be chosen, though. Not chosen. Why, if I had the money and time freely available, I'd go.

The post that I used to enter listed all the academic work that I've had published (or accepted for publication) in the past ten years - and it listed the three novels and one set of memoirs I've started and put down, in favor of the scholarly writing. I want to continue my scholarship - it makes me energized when I do it (I wrote 42 pages this week on two separate projects! Yay summer!) -- but I also don't want to turn 50 (in 11 years) and not have finally finished one of the novels I've had going for decades. I love to write.

Jen's workshop is one of four I'm interested in finding ways to do in the coming decade. I'll post about the others, later. I'd go on and on now ... but my husband, who has been working overtime and has put in a 14 hour day, just called to say he's on his way home. I want to meet him at the door with cold water and a plate of pasta! Wyatt has decided (at 9:40pm no less) that he is hungry, too. So it will be a party.

Present Moment

2011-05-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

I had a bolt of awareness this morning - an insight into a behavior of mine that isn't very useful - and I want to remember it and share it, so I'm posting it here!

I was running late. Only 6 minutes late - but late (I hate to be late!). I swore in conversation with Wyatt - made it funny, but still, used "fuck," and, after I dropped him off at school, found myself indulging in a bit of road rage and driving too fast.

The meeting I was late for is at 8am - it's really hard for us to get out of the house in time for me to make 8am. I can make 8:15 no problem - but 8am just seems beyond our reach. And this morning was both "Take a stuffed animal to school" day AND "Take a flower for Teacher Appreciation day" day, which meant an additional 10 minutes of "stuff" on top of getting out the door. So the fact that we were only 6 minutes late, instead of 16, that should have felt lovely!

But, rather than feeling lovely, I was beating myself up

"I am such a failure!"

" I can't both mom and work outside the home!"

" I take on too much!"

etc. etc.

And I realized that I was going to walk into the meeting with a bad, nasty, angry energy.

The last thing I want to bring to this particular meeting - a group of faculty, staff, and students committed to infusing multicultural and global understandings into the culture of our academic institution - is bad energy! Yet I seemed powerless over the rage I was feeling at myself for being late.

And then it hit me, the bolt: Everything is Great. It is a beautiful day. I am making it to work safely. I will contribute to and enjoy this meeting.

So WHY am I taking bad energy in with me??

Simple: I was taught that if you're late, you had better walk in in a huff, upset with yourself and showing it, to signify that you didn't mean to be late!

You dare not walk in, smile slightly apologetically, and then jump right into the conversation! You dare not contribute if you're 6 minutes late. In other words, you must suffer for being late - and everyone else should suffer with you.

That this is insane may sound so simple, so obvious. But if this blog is (going to be) about anything, it is about how difficult the simple can be!

In that instant, as I pulled up to the curb and saw another (late! 6 minutes late!) colleague, I knew that I was powerless over my 38 years of training regarding lateness -- until I acknowledged it. So I did: I told my colleague my internal dialogue, shared it with her as she shared similar feelings with me. I said, "I can't believe I was going to bring negative energy into this meeting, a meeting I enjoy so much and a group I care so much about!" And I thanked her for her presence - for being late with me, but more, for helping jolt me out of patterns of behavior that do not serve me.

We are powerless over so much - but we can always chose a kinder, gentler, more self-reflective path. This morning, I was given that opportunity. It was hard, but I took it. And I am grateful.

2009-08-22T06:10:00.001-07:00

I haven't been blogging here much since Alabama, in part because school is getting close to starting, my tenure file is coming due, and Wyatt is so much fun to hang out with ... but also because I've been working to do a weekly column for Friends of Iowa Midwives, at our blog.

Check it out.

Leaving Birmingham, Planning to PUSH at Home!

2009-07-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting to get on my flight from Birmingham to Memphis/Memphis to Des Moines (and hoping for time for one more bbq sandwich in the Memphis airport!) - thinking about all we have to do as a pro-midwifery movement, in Iowa and the US as a whole!

Its one of those days when I'm brimming with ideas, and wondering where I'll get the energy!

I've learned from so many amazing women (and Russ from North Carolina, representing well for the men in our movement!) - and been awed by their energy. I hold in my mind's eye, and in my heart, the midwife from Idaho who had to drive 10 hours (or take an airplane!) just to get to her state capitol to lobby for a pro-CPM bill; and the activist from Missouri who seems to know everyone, and has a brilliant way of connecting with each of her contacts.

Its clear what we need to do in Iowa: continue what we've started! We've got to build our grassroots, reach out to and educate legislators, support the federal push for medicaid reimbursement, raise funds, market and message ourselves to each constituency and the media, AND build a viable birth and parenting culture so that once we have a good law, midwives in the states have clients, and clients will have friends supportive of their parenting choices.

WOW. That sounds like no small task!

But it is a set of tasks made easier by the energy of Friends of Iowa Midwives members, and by alliances we've made and coalitions we can build with advocates and midwives and moms and dads in other states.

We are not reinventing the wheel here, even when it feels like it. There is so much wisdom to draw from in our region and beyond - and a chance to contribute to others' fights as well!

So, I'm bringing the Big Push home to Iowa ... looking forward to our Central FOIM Chapter Leadership meeting, our FOIM Steering Committee meeting, and a general membership Family Picnic at Raccoon River Park in Des Moines on Labor Day!

Heck, today, I'm even looking forward to the start of the legislative session.

2009-07-14T09:10:00.001-07:00

Learning about social networking, technology, marketing, and grass roots advocacy....

Photos of Midwives and their Advocates Hard at Work!

2009-07-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Look at these great T-shirts!

2009-07-13T20:05:00.001-07:00

Best One Liner from Big Push, so far!

2009-07-13T14:39:00.003-07:00

"I'm a child of the 60s. I always thought I'd get busted for pot, not pit!"

States Report on their Progress

2009-07-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

So far this morning, we've heard reports from Idaho and Missouri -- two states that recently got legislation legalizing Certified Professional Midwives!! -- as well as state still struggling with the process: Iowa, South Dakota, Alabama, North Carolina, Ohio, Michigan, and Georgia.

Its amazing how many of our strategies are the same, as are the challenges we face! But I am learning some innovative ideas and am interested in getting home and implementing them!

Birmingham Day 1

2009-07-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

Here is me, getting ready to get on the airplane to Birmingham, Alabama – sitting in the Des Moines airport, wondering what I will learn in the next 2 days, and excited about the progress I have to report in our own state.

The purpose of The Big Push National Birth Summit is to help organize activists and advocates from every state where direct entry or Certified Professional Midwife attended homebirth is still illegal or unlicensed. We’ll spend all day Monday and Tuesday meeting with each other, as well as organizers from the national Big Push campaign, to talk strategy, success, and failure. We’ll gain nuts and bolts knowledge, as well as mutual support and solidarity!

We’ll learn what is going on at the grassroots in places like Florida and Ohio , and talk about the huge diversity of interests we have in making out-of-hospital birth an accessible option for families.

And, at the same time, we’ll have a lot of fun! Sunday night we are all meeting up at The Bottle Tree , a Birmingham venue, for a night of music provided by Vulture Whale , 13 ghosts , Duquette Johnston , John Jeremiah Sullivan , and Kate Taylor in benefit of the Alabama Birthing Coalition. And, academic dork that I am, I am looking forward to the “fun” of hearing a lunchtime presentation on African American midwifery in the Deep South, by Shafia Monroe of The International Center for Traditional Childbearing .

I imagine a bit of fun and information sharing during informal times, too – especially with my roommate Debbie Pease, an amazing organizer for South Dakota Safe Childbirth Options .

I’ll keep everyone posted on what I learn, do, and see this week – and I can’t wait to share with members of Friends of Iowa Midwives when we have a general membership meeting and picnic this fall!

Birds and Birdsong

2009-01-23T13:44:00.000-08:00

My grandma used to dream that she was a bird - and in her most recurring dream, she would fly over cornfields to an abandoned barn, sitting lonely in the fall sun. It always sounded like a desolate dream, to me -- but she experienced it joyfully. She told me she would love to be able to fly like a bird.

We'd spend hours looking at picture books of birds, tracing them with pencil and tracing paper - and watching them from her front porch window. And, when she died, I gained possession of two gorgeous green glass birds - cardinals, I think, from the crest on their heads - which I have in my bedroom, and like to think of as grandma and grandpa watching over me.

So, I know she would love this new book by Dr. Miyoko Chu, a professor in the Cornell Lab of Ornithology at Cornell University. I heard her interviewed on a terrific Iowa Public Radio program earlier this week. Its a pop-up book of birds in their natural habitat, with audio of their native songs! Did you know that some birds can actually harmonize with themselves???? Listen in .....

Gene Robinson's Invocation

2009-01-19T12:40:00.000-08:00

Huffingtonpost is reporting this about the decision made by the Presidential Inaugural Committee not to ask HBO to air the invocation, given by Gene Robinson, an Episcopal Bishop, and the first openly gay, non-celibate, person to serve in that capacity. I, for one, really missed the opportunity to hear this prayer as part of the celebratory events - I'm grateful to HuffPost and Youtube for providing it for us now. It's a beautiful call to action.

Bless us with tears and anger, indeed.

Our Anniversary

2009-01-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

I'm posting my favorite wedding photo, in honor of our eleven years of marriage!

So excited about the Inauguration!

2009-01-17T19:56:00.000-08:00

I plan to be watching lots of You-Tube this week, enjoying the inaugural festivities. I am so proud and excited and hopeful that Barack Obama will be our president, that Joe Biden will join him in leadership - and that we are all being called to serve our neighbors in this new government.

If you haven't seen the schedule of events for the inauguration, you can find at Huffintonpost's Big Inaugural News Page.

A picture of Bliss in the Family Bed

2009-01-12T13:38:00.001-08:00

This is a photo Aaron took of Wyatt and I nearly 4 years ago - smiling blissfully while sleeping in our family bed. I wanted to post it to illustrate my point about getting good sleep while being a nursing mom, and to make good on my promise to add some visuals to the blog!

A note about formatting!

2009-01-11T07:22:00.000-08:00

This blog is text heavy, I think - and I just want you to know I'm working on it! I want to be able to do the amazing things with photos that Sara Janssen just did on her terrific blog; but I'd settle for simply figuring out how to add more than one picture to my text .... I promise, in the coming weeks, to make the blog more appealing to the eye!

Hunger, Part III: What I'm Cooking Today

2009-01-11T06:51:00.000-08:00

My friend, Sabbath, a birth worker in Des Moines, has just requested, via Facebook, the recipes for what I'm cooking today ... My status line indicated I'd be carmelizing some onions, and putting bread up to rise.

The best thing is, I had already planned to come over here and blog about these recipes because they're FRUGAL! And healthy. And yummy.

So -- here's what we're eating this evening (before my Friends of Iowa Midwives Virtual Steering Committee Meeting!).

ONION SOUP -- a riff on a recipe found in one of my favorite cookbooks: The Soup Bible.

You'll need -- 3 lbs of yellow onions, 2 tbs butter (real), 2 tbs olive or canola oil (the lighter the better), 2 - 3 cloves of garlic, 4 - 6 cups of stock (chicken if you use it, light vegetable if you don't, bonus frugality points if you make your own!). Oh, and some brown sugar, salt and pepper, and a dash of vinegar (rice wine or apple cider are best). And I'm throwing in leftover potatoes (from our garden) and parsnips that I roasted for last night's dinner.

You'll do -- in a nice, large, heavy bottomed pot or dutch oven, melt the butter and oil together. Add the onions, which you've already peeled and sliced into rounds, and some salt. Slowly, slowly, slowly cook them - the technique I use is: turn up the heat hella high for about 2 minutes while stirring gently the whole time, getting them all nice and warmed up. Then turn the heat down as low as it goes, or maybe up 1 or 2, and cook for 30 - 90 minutes, stirring every 5 - 10, or 15 - 20 (you'll find I'm not that into precision) - as they turn soft, and then pale yellow, then golden hued. When they get golden hued, add a tbsp of that sugar - light brown works best, white in a pinch, and the 2 - 3 cloves of garlic, crushed. Keep cooking until the onions are darker golden. Then turn off the heat.

About an hour before you want to eat this soup, add the stock and a splash or two of the vinegar. Slowly slowly heat it up again, to a good warm temperature. Salt to taste, pepper, too.

Now this is a darn frugal soup. And Wyatt loves it. Tonight, we will add to it, as I noted above: roasted parsnips and potatoes. Also, some croutons from a bag we have in the cupboard. You could make your own (croutons) but I find that tedious. The recipe book suggests lots of gruyere cheese -- but boy is gruyere expensive, and I don't find that the soup needs any dairy to make it great. If you find that it does, my husband recommends a small spoon full of sour cream. And he's right - especially if you add potatoes, the sour cream is great.

MOLASSES BREAD WITH COOKED GRAINS -- I take this straight from the only cookbook you ever need, the best cookbook in the world: Deborah Madison's Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone. . A great thing about this recipe is that making your own bread is frugal in the extreme (pennies on the dollar to bake instead of buy), its a good workout (kneading bread is hard work!), and this particular recipe uses yesterday's leftovers, too.

You'll need: an envelope of yeast, some sugar, 1/4 unsulfured molasses, 3 tbs canolal, corn or sunflower oil, salt, water, 2 cups all-purpose flour, 3 - 4 cups whole-wheat flour, and 1 1/2 cups leftover cooked graincereal (wheat, rice, oatmeal, seven-grain, etc.) Today, we're using what was left over of an amazing Snowy Saturday morning breakfast of Bob's Red Mill 4-Grain Cereal. (Just a side note: yesterday, I cooked that up, added maple syrup and some milk, and we felt like kings and queens eating that yummy, healthy, cheaper-than-the-packaged-flavored-oatmeal-that-you-buy-in-the-store porridge).

You'll do: stir the package of yeast into a 1/4 cup of warm water, add 1/2 tsp sugar. Set it aside in a warm place until it foams, about 10 minutes. Meanwhile, butter or spray 2 8X10 loaf pans, and oil a big bowl for the dough. Note: This is a great step for kids - Wyatt absolutely adores watching the yeast bubble, and talking about how bread is "alive." In fact, now I feel guilty for doing this while he was asleep this morning - the kid loves to bake bread.

In a big bowl, combine 2 more cups warm water, the molasses, oil, 2 1/2 tsps salt, and the cooked cereal. Add the yesaty water, then the 2 cups of white flour, a cup at a time. Follow with a cup of a time of whole-wheat flour, stirring with a big wooden spoon (or gathering it with your hands) until the dough leaves the side of the bowl. Turn it out onto a floured surface, and knead until it is "smooth, but still a little tacky" (Says Deborah M). Add flour as you need to.

Note -- this is a pretty darn tacky dough. If you keep adding flour, it will get shaggy (which you don't want) and/or too dense (which you also don't want). Just have faith in the bread - adding up to 4 1/2 cups whole-wheat flour, in my experience, is OK.

Turn the dough into the oiled bowl, cover (with a warm damp cloth), and set aside in a warm enough place to rise until doubled - about 1 1/4 hours. In the last 15 minutes of rising, preheat oven to 375. Turn the dough out again and shape it into loaves, put in the loaof pans. Set aside again until doubled, about 40 - 50 minutes.

Bake for 50 minutes.

This is one of our favorite yeast breads. It is versatile (you can vary it almost anyway, depending on what cereal you use), high in iron (molasses!), and yummy. Its also really light, for such a fiber-rich and dense bread. And, it will be great with the onion soup tonight, and even better in the morning with some sweet butter and pumpkin butter (see my pumpkin butter guilt note, below...).

Enjoy!

Hunger, Part II: Lactivism!

2009-01-06T12:03:00.000-08:00

Aaron and I practice attachment parenting and natural family living. The only baby book we ever had in our house was by William and Martha Sears, and we found that, for our family, doing things like babywearing, co-sleeping in a family bed, and using non-coercive child guidance (rather than discipline) worked best most of the time.

One of the main manifestations that our approach to parenting and living with Wyatt has taken was breastfeeding. He weaned himself (with a bit of encouragement from mom and dad) when he was 3 1/2 years old.

Quite simply, breast is best! When it is possible for a mom to nurse her baby, both receive tremendous benefits: increased immunity and optimal nutrition for baby, relaxing hormones and often accelerated weight loss for mom, bonding for both. There are potentially no bottles to sterilize, and no cost of buying formula (wow, that saves a ton of money).

If a mom and baby share sleep and nurse on demand through the night, both tend to get better sleep. And, if a mom and baby nurse on an airplane, especially during take-off and landing, the suckling motion actually stops baby's ears from popping, resulting in a happier (quieter!) baby.

So it disturbs me that flight attendants on Allegiant air recently made such a fuss over a mom's attempts to satisfy her baby's hunger.

When a baby is hungry and a mom can satisfy that hunger in the most nutritious, affordable, and comfortable way possible, why on earth would someone want to stop them? This isn't just a "mom" issue, either -- it is a feminist issue. Women's breasts have been objectified by the media for so long and in so many ways that the simple act of feeding a child makes others uncomfortable, seems obscene, might even be taken as erotic. As women reclaim our bodies from objectification, lets reclaim our ability to feed our children, to sate their hungers.

I would love to boycott Allegiant, but don't plan to fly with them anyway, so my boycott is rather meaningless. Instead, I'm going to write to their corporate headquarters in Las Vegas, and demand (calmly and politely) that Allegiant create a family-friendly policy that comports with most state laws and grants women the right to nurse in any public or private place where they are otherwise welcome and permitted.

Maybe you'll join me in this little bit of lactivism?

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T18:10:00.003-08:00

May it be peaceful, creative, safe and sane, for all.

Homelessness, Hunger and Hypocrisy Part II: Hunger

2008-12-30T12:40:00.000-08:00

Wyatt has learned the words "I'm starving," and I'm sorry to say that he's learned them from me. I am one of those people who would rather be cold, dripping wet, or exhausted, than hungry. Yep, I'm one of those people who feels my insignificant hunger as though it is the end of the world -- I feel my blood sugar drop, my stomach rumble, and I get close to insane. I've learned to keep snacks in every purse, in the car, in my office .... and I've given up on ever doing a fast to detox or cleanse. Aaron and I tried a three day liquid fast once, when we lived in Alabama and I was reading Dr. Weil's 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. By the end of the second hour I was so hungry, just plain starving, that I gave up. The knowledge that I wasn't supposed to access food made me want it more than I would have, had I just started the day normally.

I've been thinking about hunger recently, in light of what everyone is so prosaically calling "this economic downturn," and a terrific hour of programming on NPR (which I have searched the archives for, to link it here, and can't find it!) a couple of weeks ago, focusing on the plight of soup kitchens who are facing increasing need with decreasing resources. I've been thinking about hunger, too, in light of a "treat" I bought myself recently, and that I've been feeling awkward and guilty about.

Every time I go grocery shopping, I budget in a small treat. The treat changes frequently: Aaron sometimes wants chocolate soy milk, Wyatt often wants fruit snacks, the other day I saw a perfectly ripe persimmon and brought it home for the three of us to share. I shop every 10 days or so, and budget the treat into meal planning expenses.

Well, 2 weeks ago I bought a treat that cost a bit more than usual -- I spent just over $12. on a small package of goat cheese, a beautiful jar of pumpkin butter, and a sleeve of salteen crackers. If you haven't tried this combination, and you're a fan of goat cheese, you have to try it .... seriously. That's a pretty expensive treat -- and its one that only I enjoy. Wyatt used to like goat cheese quite a bit, but his 4 year old palate isn't as sophisticated as his 3 year old palate was; and Aaron hates goat cheese almost as much as he hates papaya. So it was an expensive treat, and only for me.

As I hear Wyatt say "I'm starving," and hear NPR talk about true hunger, and hear myself worrying about the huge heating bill we got in the mail, while spooning goat cheese onto my saltine, I feel a bit guilty. We can afford it, yes - it only put me $2.84 over my budgeted $125. for 10 days (including the holiday meals). But, still .... just think of what $12 could buy in necessities, rather than luxuries! Ramen, apples, potatoes, bread, lettuce, sweet potatoes, onions, cheese .... $12 is a huge luxury - and a small bit of the necessary.

I don't actually believe in feeling guilty -- it doesn't do much good! I believe, instead, in doing better (when we know better, we do better, I hope). So, I've decided that, as long as we can afford the small luxuries of a treat with our necessary groceries, we can also afford to help those who are truly starving, truly hungry (in body and in spirit). I'll donate the exact amount of our "treats" to a food bank, either in the form of a monetary grant or an equivalent amount of food; and, our family is going to work with the Homeless Assistance Team at the United Church of Christ here in Des Moines, volunteering once a month to help end hunger here in the city.

That seems more effective and productive than trying to eradicate "I'm starving" from the language I use each day.

Homelessness, Hunger, Hypocrisy Part I: Homelessness

2008-12-17T08:46:00.000-08:00

It has been bitter cold here, in the -20s at night, and I've been thinking alot about people who don't have four warm walls around them. On Sunday night, the city of Des Moines tore down the huts of a long-standing homeless community on the banks of the Des Moines River. The eviction of the community's residents came after a fire that was caused when a resident kicked over a propane heater while sleeping - it exploded, severely injured him, and burned the hut down.

The city is going to find emergency short-term shelter for these people - and plans to build an additional and larger shelter in Des Moines are being "fast-tracked" against the wishes of constituents who fear lower property values as a result of the shelter's location. So perhaps good will come of this -- short-term, warmer, safer housing and a larger shelter for those in need.

But as I read the articles and view the pictures, I see something else, something that is being lost: the sense of efficacy and community and activism that the residents of the homeless gathering felt. This is a long-term (at least 18 month-old) squatter's community, serviced by community organizers, activists, and people of faith. Tearing down the huts represents more than a material loss -- it is an immaterial loss of community.

Immaterial. In our culture, we think of immaterial as unimportant -- lets rehabilitate that word, rehab it (to keep with an architectural theme). To lose the immaterial: a sense of efficacy, togetherness, community, peace and safety - feels as important as to lose a home.

Thinking about all of this has made me realize, too, how petty my own home-related concerns are. Mindful of the environmental and pocket-book costs of heating the house, I stress when I put the heater above 66 (68 is my limit!). Getting the water bill yesterday, I was stunned to see that some new taxes have doubled doubled our monthly bill - from a usual $40 for sewer, trash and water to $93. This is a significant jump for us, especially in the winter when Aaron is unemployed - and I stressed about it for a good day or so.

But, the thing really is, we can afford it. We can afford to have the heater at 68 when we need to, and we can insulate the house even better to keep it warmer, and less drafty. We have running water, and a water heater, and plenty of blankets.

Even more than that - we have the immaterial: a family, a community, respect and love for each other, joy in our days. For that I'm grateful.

So, long time, no posting!

2008-12-12T07:20:00.000-08:00

Here it is, already mid-December, and I've not written since September 3rd! The lag is in part, of course, because once the semester starts I get too busy to do much of any "fun" writing - its also because I've been doing a lot of academic (and still fun) writing -- I've had an article accepted to the International Review of Qualitative Research, and one in a new book that will be titled Feminism, Fashion, and Flair -- and I've found it hard to go back and forth between the two types of writing. Also, FACEBOOK has been my downfall - I tend to post quick things there, rather than elaborating here.

But, to be honest, one of the real reasons I found it hard to find time to blog was that you all started making comments! Knowing that people were reading, and engaging, and commenting had the paradoxical effect of making me SHY and reticent to write. ARGH.

I don't write this to invite less participation from you - I write it to, ironically, invite more.

Tell me what you think: Why do we write? Why do we write publicly? How do we handle the vulnerability? Is it hubris to blog? When you read a blog, why do you do it? Why do you visit this particular one?

I had a friend say to me in early September that he was surprised I wasn't writing about more political things - that I was choosing to blog on the personal (Wyatt's first day of school, yoga, etc.) -- but to me, as a feminist, the personal is of course political - I intend to write a lot more about that, in the coming weeks - how we live our lives is a political decision. Its a spiritual decision, too. And often, I am so less than perfect - I'm in progress, to be sure -- I want to hear about you and your processes for becoming a consistent person, for living your values in your day-to-day life. That's what my blogs title is about: I value books, simplicity, and life (smillassimplelife!) - and I plan to blog more and more about those values, as 2009 dawns.

I'm going to come back here weekly, if not more often, and I really look forward to continuing a series of conversations about writing, living, reading, cooking, yoga-ing, teaching, loving, and praising. I hope you'll come back weekly, if not more often, and commenting away.

Pro-Life and Family Values

2008-09-03T12:35:00.000-07:00

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/09/02/palin_slashed_funding_to_help.html

As governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin used her veto power to slash funding for teenage moms, women and children living in poverty, and families in need of assistance. I respect her pro-life position, to a great extent, I share it (though I'd make wider exceptions for the well-being of the woman involved) -- but I cannot conscience calling these types of programmatic cuts "pro-life" or "family values."

Howard Wolfson brings me to tears

2008-09-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

Can't sit down long enough to construct an elegant post on this, or even type it into html text! But this op-ed by Howard Wolfson in the Washington Post explains so much to me about the Clinton campaign - all during the campaign I thought, "gosh are they deaf to Obama's message?" turns out they were, for understandable and interesting reasons. Anyway, can't post now (its a holiday, and we're hanging out family style....) but read this op-ed:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/31/AR2008083101620.html

PS Thanks for the comments everyone!!! Its nice to not write in a vacuum.

Sarah Palin, VP Nominee

2008-08-29T10:51:00.000-07:00

On my way to Wyatt's Peace Day celebration at his school, I heard the announcement that John McCain had named Sarah Palin, the Republican governor of Alaska, as his running mate. I didn't mention it at Peace Day, because I wasn't feeling too peaceful about the announcement - but I've been chewing it over for a couple of hours, and need to weigh in.

Here's the deal. I think it is a cynical, cynical choice. It is a choice that actually makes me sad.

I also think it has the potential to be a brilliant political move -- it says to wavering Hillary Rodham Clinton supporters that McCain will do what Obama didn't, and name a female running mate, it gives them the hope of a woman in the presidency. Sarah Palin is a self-described pro-life woman with five kids who has a successful political career. A true working mom. And I have to respect that in her. Palin does seem to be a maverick of the type that McCain used to style himself - the pick is an interesting move back to that identity.

Even more, by picking someone from Alaska, the McCain campaign shores up what was looking like a more contested battlefield than that state usually is, and it makes it difficult to evaluate her record (we tend to ignore Alaska in the lower 48!).

And, Democrats will have to tread carefully in going after Palin - they don't want to look like attack dogs sicked on a nice woman (former beauty queen! bi-racial husband! 5 kids, one born recently, and with Downs Syndrome) , nor can they be paternalistic in a refusal to confront her (lack of) experience on the national scene.

So, a brilliant tactical move.

Why, then, do I think it is cynical? Why does it make me so sad?

Because I think it is a campaign move, not a governance move. Judging from what I've read of her record, Sarah Palin is very likely not ready to govern our nation. She certainly is going to have a hard time proving that she is. So its a political move - meant to win a presidency -- not a measured, thoughtful, determined move to govern the country.

And, it seems to me to be a move that actually uses Sarah Palin more than it honors her. There are many conservative women with excellent credentials who would have made smart political and governance choices for John McCain -- why pick one with so little experience on the national scene??

Sometimes I think that McCain is the sacrificial lamb this year - the one pushed to run and compete against the Democrats in a year that looks like it should be theirs ... he would have had a tough race against any of the likely winners from 18 months' agos beginning (Clinton, Edwards, Obama).

Now I wonder if Palin isn't the more sacrificial of the two - a young woman picked for purely expedient reasons and thrust on the national stage by a cynical and failing campaign. Apart from our policy differences (on environmental issues, for example - she is a huge friend of Big Oil), apart from those differences, I feel sisterhood for her, I'm a working mom too - and I am sorry that she accepted McCain's call.

Wake up America!

2008-08-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

This clip of Dennis Kucinich's speech to the DNC has gotten some play, but not, in my estimation, enough. His clarion call, "Wake Up America!" is more than a political call, it is a profoundly spiritual one. My husband, Aaron, first recognized it, and reminded me of one of my favorite stories in Zen Buddhism, about a monk who exhorts the practitioners to "wake up!" to become enlightened. Given Kucinich's practices and beliefs, I know that he is calling for America to do more than wake up to the implications of the Bush presidency, to the poverty, desperation, and decline in our nation -- he is calling on Americans to literally wake up, to become enlightened, to be mindful of our impact in the world - from global warming to our smallest, most minute daily interactions. We are all connected - and Kuchinich's fiery speech wants to remind us of that.

Today, at least, I am awake.

Obama '08

2008-08-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

A friend just sent me the link to a new Obama ad -- I love it. It has a sense of humor, it's playful - yet biting in its treatment of
John "7 to 10 houses" McCain.

Even better than the ad is the terrific NYT's Sunday Magazine article, written by David Leonhart, explaining Obama's economic policy influences.

Wyatt's First Day of Big-Boy School !!

2008-08-25T06:59:00.000-07:00

Wow. I have a kid in the public school system.

One of the reasons we moved to Des Moines a couple of years ago was to be able to feel good about the public schools and send Wyatt to one - and we were really excited about the charter schools in Des Moines. In fact, we got him on "the list" at Cowles Elementary before we even made the physical move back to the midwest. Cowles Montessori is a public Montessori School - the only one in all of Iowa.

We fell in love with it because it has mixed age classrooms -- our guy has a December birthday, so can't go to kindergarten until he's nearly 6 -- and has an explicit ethic of peace. The Montessori Method focuses on child-directed skill building, respect for others and materials, and focused work. I think its going to suit Wyatt well -- we'll have to see!

But, even though Aaron and I know its the right place for Wyatt to be right now - and light years better than his most recent childcare experience (which wasn't all bad, but goodness they watched lots of movies, ate lots of cupcakes, and learned zero conflict resolution skills....) -- even though we know this is a good place and the right place and we've waited more than 18 months to get him in, even so, today was hard!!

I mean, this little guy - 30 lbs soaking wet -- is toting in a backpack that's nearly as tall as he is. In one pouch is a water bottle with his name on it, in the other is a bottle of spray-on sunscreen (SPF 50). In the backpack itself is a cowboy blanket made by Grandma Paula, and a poptart that he likely won't eat. We get to school and he says, like he's finally, all of a sudden, getting it: I'm going to be at Cowles alone? Umm, yep.

But he's thrilled -- ready -- in fact, the day that the principal met him, he said "My name is Wyatt. W - Y - A - T - T." And then he wrote it down for her (backwards, but all the letters were there). And she said "You're ready for Cowles!" Which has become his mantra -- out of the blue, in the weeks leading up to this transition, "I'm ready for Cowles."

But man -- wow. He has his own LOCKER! (With a bunny on it that has his name). Locker 125. I like to find significance in numbers - I can't find any in this one. It leaves me disconcerted. And man - wow -- the potty is actually a bathroom with urinals and located down the hall from his classroom. He was so into it, the day that we first went to visit the school, he said "mom, I don't have to stand on my tip-toes to pee!!"

But he's still my teeny kid! My baby. I never thought I'd say it. I disdain those mothers and fathers who over-parent their kids, especially the college-age ones - who bring them here for Iowa Private College Week and speak for them, rather than sit back and let them talk and learn and be curious. The parents who have more questions for me than the students. But I need to have compassion for them, because I'm starting to understand - it starts when they are this big:

and continues on, at least until they're three or four!

So, Wyatt went to school today! Big boy school.

We spent so much time prepping him - enjoying the prep, actually. I took him with me to get him registered (CRAP! I forgot the form for the school nurse. Must get that in!!). We took him to the opening of the Peace Garden on the front lawn of the school - Aaron got to meet some of the families that have Cowles Kids, too, that I already know from the Unitarian Universalist Church, and from work. Then we went back again for the Open House and Orientation. Wyatt got to officially meet his teacher (Mrs. Wright) and the teacher's aide (Mrs. Grubb) and, even more importantly: Buddy the Bunny who lives in his classroom, and is a girl rabbit who has lived there for 8 years (going home with Mrs. Wright on weekends and summer break and over the winter holidays). Wyatt is already a HUGE fan of Buddy.

So we got him off to school this morning. With all the preparation we could give him - and he was ready. Emotionally very ready. Physically not so much ... I mean, I drug his butt out of bed half an hour early, tried to get him to eat some breakfast (no luck), forgot to brush his teeth, and did not bother with the hair or sleep in his eyes. Didn't anticipate that he'd need a jacket (we're still SO California some times ....) and he shivered as he held his dad's hand, clutching his backpack onto his back, walking up to the school.

So physically, not as prepared as I'd like him to have been. But emotionally ready. And I guess that's the better of the two.

SIMPLE, DEFINED

2008-08-18T12:28:00.001-07:00

I added a third kira to my asana practice this morning -- bowing. Basically, you kneel on the ground, and bow to touch your forehead to the floor - over and over and over. Gurmukh writes, that this is a "simple pose."

Which helps me understand what "simple" means, really -- it doesn't mean Easy!! To me, to be simple means to be pared down of unnecessary and burdening complexities - to be direct - but it doesn't mean easy, or dumbed-down, or simplistic. Simple can be transformative.

My Kundalini Practice

2008-08-15T09:56:00.001-07:00

I've benefited so much from having two sets of yoga practice! My anusaura practice kicks my butt and lifts my spirits. My kundalini practice has strengthened my resolve, opened my energy, and helped me clear blocks.

So every once in a while, I'd like to share some of my daily practice.

I have been working with Gurmukh's Seven Human Talents since 2001, when I first went through it and did 40 days with each chakra. Now, I do occasional tune-ups when I'm feeling an emotional block or physical block in one area. In July and August, I've been working on Chakra 6 -- which corresponds to the pituitary gland and intuition.

So I've been doing this difficult set lately -- sit cross-legged and bring your hands in a prayer mudra with your thumbs meeting at your third-eye point (right at the brow bone, between your eyes). Breathe deeply with your hands here for 3, 7, or 11 minutes. You may want to silently chat "Sat Nam." Next, hold your arms our to your side, parallel to the ground, and simply (ha!) flap your hands at the wrist up and down, rapidly, breathing strongly, for 3, 7, or 11 minutes (gosh if you can do it for 11 minutes I'm impressed!). When you're done, sit silently and breathe deeply for as long as your time allows.

These two kiras, combined, will balance your brain, and trigger your own awareness of your intuition.

Sat nam and namaste!

Ashby Park Wading Pool

2008-08-06T12:06:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting at Ashby Park wading pool watching kids play, be mean to each other, shiver because its not really warm enough, melt in the humidity, and generally have fun. I can't believe it is almost the end of summer - that the city of Des Moines is going to start draining these pools alarmingly soon (too soon!). And, I can't believe that I finally have a child that doesn't demand my every moment's attention - a child that told me, "Don't come in the water, mommy. Sit and write some more. I'm going to go float." What a lovely rejection! What I've waited for since becoming a parent - a sign that parenting in a responsive, attached, present way would help him feel secure in our bond, secure enough even to desire a break from it!

Last night, we went to a Neighborhood Night Out event. We weren't in our neighborhood, we went down to the Chamberlain Park neighborhood instead, because Aaron had to work there. He unloaded picnic tables and trash cans, then mingled with the residents and various city officials who showed up (the mayor for 5 minutes, the police sargent long enough for a plate of food). Wyatt and I came down, played in the park with bunches of kids -- going down the twirly slide, then walking up it like a spiderman -- me pushing Wyatt and a new friend, Kimmel, in the swings ("Higher!" "More!" they both yelled and laughed). We ate cookies and drank their lemonade - all donated by Hy-Vee and Dahls -- and learned how to pick up winter cash by delivering phone books for Qwest.

When we drove back through Beaverdale there was an even huger celebration -- the Isiserettes were out to perform, there were tons of people (at lesat 100!) at Snookies Malt Shop. I wished Aaron was in the car with us so we could stop as a family - but he was still at Chamberlain, working til 9. We went home, Wyatt and I, and walked Daisy. Wyatt rode his bike -- he is finally big enough to push the pedals by himself!

So he's gotten "big" at two things. He asks for space and time to play without his mom, and he can push his own bike pedals (legs are finally long enough!). Some people experience these moments of growth, I think, as bittersweet. I check myself to see if I do - and Nope. I'm happy to see such a confident, growing, joyful kid develop out of the baby that we had such a seemingly short time ago!

2008-07-22T09:32:00.001-07:00

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